dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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