Are we in a gay sports bar?
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
