I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
