I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
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