Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Randomize
