Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Randomize
