Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
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