My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
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