I have demons in me.
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
