Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
