you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
