This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Randomize
