Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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