I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
