You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
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