i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
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