Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
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