Joe is yelling at the trees again.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Randomize
