this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
I cut my penus on the lid.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
