People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Randomize
