Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
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