i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Randomize
