We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Randomize
