When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Randomize
