so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
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