I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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