he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
Randomize
