I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
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