I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Randomize
