If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
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