Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Randomize
