I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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