Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
