there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
