I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
I stole a fireplace last night.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
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