i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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