In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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