I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
