She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
