you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
