Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Randomize
