I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
