I am puke
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
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