No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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