no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
