We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Randomize
