You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
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