cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
