I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
