Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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