I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
