Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
