I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
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Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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