I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
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Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
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How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
do nipples grow back?
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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