I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
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