Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
She's better-looking with the mask on.
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