Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
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