it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Randomize