dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
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