I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
