my text book just quoted the cookie monster
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Randomize
