so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
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