my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
