he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Randomize