We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
