Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
