Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
