I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Randomize
