Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
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