Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
