well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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