Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Randomize
