I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
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She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
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Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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