Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
I accidentally burped into my bong.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
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the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
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I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
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