good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Randomize
