Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
