sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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